The D-Word

Ah, the holidays. Time to bring that hunk of burnin’ love home for a big fat dose of crazy. Come on. It’ll be fun. He met your family, they like each other. No problem.

So what do your parents think of your guy? Did they welcome him into the family with open arms? Or did they have a problem with his past, namely his D-I-V-O-R-C-E?

What? Hmmm? Oh. I see. Haven’t told Mom and Dad about dreamboat yet, huh? Don’t worry. You’re not alone. Plenty of successful, independent women turn into scared little girls when it comes to talking about their guy’s former marriage.

Despite the fact that more than half of American marriages end in divorce, the subject is still somewhat taboo when you bring your guy home to meet the family. For some families, marrying a divorced man is an absolute “no-no.” And at the very least, the situation is awkward for all concerned.

Even in these oh-so-modern times, Aunt Edna still only mouths the word, “divorce,” and Mom still calls it the “D-word.” And for those of you with open-minded families who believe in the pursuit of happiness, there is still a stigma associated with divorce.

Why is that? Why do our families still have an issue with this issue? Why do we still hesitate to tell our nearest and dearest that we’ve fallen for the man of our dreams, who just happens to be divorced – with kids?

Because marrying a divorced man means that your life could get complicated, messy, and perhaps even ugly. It means that you may have to struggle and compromise in ways that single couples don’t have to, and your folks know that. And you know your folks know that. Even Aunt Edna knows that.

But while you may have gotten out of bringing your darling home this summer, you won’t escape the holidays. It’s time to face the music and let the sugar cookies fall where they may. Here are my three top tips for dealing with the “D-word” this holiday season:

1. Know Your Facts – When Mom starts grilling you about custody, child support, and the color of his ex wife’s hair, you better be prepared to answer every silly and warranted question. Your family doesn’t want to be in the dark, so be patient when they ask and be frank with your answers. Otherwise you rumors may start that will never, ever die.

2. Get a Prenup – Okay, you don’t even have your holiday shopping done yet, so a prenup isn’t going to happen before the holidays. BUT, not only is the best way to protect you and your future kids, it’s also a great way to calm down dear old Dad. So if you can’t get one in time, at least get educated about them so you can use that information during emergencies – say when Dad has dreamboat cornered by the eggnog.

3. Save Miracles for Church – You may know that your guy is your soul mate, but it could take awhile for your family to come around to that fact. There’s a good chance that at least one of them will give your guy the cold shoulder, dirty looks, and the third degree. You may even get a “surprise” visit from your old - and still single – prom date, courtesy of your we-know-what’s-best-for-you family. Try to take it in stride, and don’t expect any Christmas miracles. They’ll come around eventually; just give them the space to do it in their own time.

Have courage, savvy girls. Happy holidays!